Character and Policies

There’s a flurry of “Letter[s] to a friend” and last minute entreaties this week from Evangelical leaders the world around on why they’re voting for President Trump, and a lot of talk about policies and character and which matters more. At this point more 71 million people have already cast their vote, the number of undecideds is small, and, in my opinion, the sharing and posting of pieces about why you vote should a particular way has begun to feel more like virtue signaling than actually convincing. I can say that because I keep sharing them too so my virtue is very much intact, thank you very much ;)

If you can’t handle one more post about the election, I beg you to skip past this. It’s okay. I won’t be offended. I’m a big fan of caring for your home, which is most immediately your body, heart, and mind. Look away, dear one. As for me in 2020, I cannot vote for the man because of his character but because of his character I began to question his policies. I needed a man with Trump’s character to force me to begin reevaluating my own policies. This is my story.

First, let me say this, I am unapologetically pro-life from womb to tomb. I believe life begins at conception and should only end when the Good Lord (and nobody else) begins the last sleep. This makes me mostly a pacifist, against the death penalty, for tighter restrictions on guns, believe that our prison system is broken, a big fan of more accessable healthcare, and anti-abortion except in cases where the mother’s life is in danger.

The election of 2016 felt jarring to me. I was incredulous when I woke up on November 4th to find that a man with character as infamous as Donald Trump’s was the new leader of the free world. I was aghast that so many of my friends and family seemed to be fans. I thought to myself, well, perhaps they’ve overlooked his character, perhaps they’re trying to be charitable. But the past four years have taught me it is not about charity to them. They see his character, they admit his character is less than admirable, but it’s his policies, they say.

Many of my Republican friends are one-issue voters, voting on the principle of restricting/eliminating abortions primarily, and, well, Trump has delivered. He has installed a historic number of district judges in his one term and filled the court with a conservative majority of judges (I have lots of thoughts about the perceived partisanization of our Supreme Court judges, but it is actually the only branch of government right now that I have any sort of faith in being still relatively unblemished by the ethics it takes to run for office these days and the morals present in those who keep it…). He has positioned our country for more restrictions on abortions than any president in recent history, and if that is your “one issue,” Trump has won splendidly. One by one I have begun to see many evangelical leaders and personal friends who were staunchly against Trump in 2016 based on his character, fall in line behind him because of his policies. But his policies are working, they say.

I used to be a one issue voter and I actually found it to be a relatively easy place for me to land. It meant I didn’t have to think too much about the ramifications of outlawing abortion in our country; I didn’t have to think about how the leading cause of death for mothers in their first trimester is ectopic pregnancy; I didn’t have to think too much about the life of the mother, the fears she would have about providing for her baby because of an absentee father; I didn’t have to think about how so many fathers are absent because they’re in prison or why they’re in prison, or cycles of violence and acessibility to guns and a lack of good role models; I didn’t have to think about why so many young men who struggle academically sign up for the military and come home with PTSD and can’t get the help they need from the government who sent them into war, becoming a different kind of absentee father. I didn’t have to think too much about why many of these enlisted boys struggle academically and the school system and teacher’s unions and pay gaps, and crippling student loans; I didn’t have to think about the fact that my parent’s first house cost less than my college education and the ramifications of a worldwide recession in my twenties; I didn’t have to think about racial inequality, mental illness, sustainable energy, climate change, and more, because the issue of abortion seemed me to be the difference between raving feminists wearing pink vagina hats screaming about their bodies and their choices, and plain old American law and order.

[I’m not saying all one-issue voters don’t think about these things, and that’s why the emphasis on me. This is my story, remember? It’s not about you.]

I still believe that life begins at conception. When I lay curled in the fetal position in the ER three years ago, I heard a sentence begin with “You’re pregnant,” and end with “But…” I looked at my husband who knew what had to happen then looked at the doctor and refused for it to happen. This was a life inside of me, it didn’t matter to me at that point that the life was growing outside my uterus and the baby would die. And if the baby continued growing, I would die. I refused the drugs that would cause a natural miscarriage (they called it) for a week until my life was in so much danger, they had to remove the baby and parts of my reproductive system surgically. On our hospital bill they called it a termination. The bile has risen in my throat as I write that and I taste it in my mouth every single time I think of it to this day.

I know there are those who say we should only make decisions from logic, but we are humans and part of the human experience is emotion. He did not make us all mathematicians or logicians, we are not robotic entities. He gave us the human experience so that we could have empathy and care and insight and love. God himself is love, not just logic. In fact, the whole of Scripture is a story of God’s love for his people and our love for him and how this love changes everything. Even though I do not believe our country is a Christian country or founded on Christian principles (most principles are wise and wisdom is a gift from God, but it’s for the just and injust, for the Bible tells me so), I do believe that, outside God’s very own love, our love for our neighbor and their love for us is the most powerful force in the world. Logic falls so far short of love as a truly healing agent, I can’t even include it on the list of what will bring the Kingdom of God to earth, our King to dwell among us. Our God does not always work in logical ways — look at the gospel story, it is the complete opposite of logic. It is not human math, it is extravagant and incredulous and miraculous and wonderful. And while our country is not Christian, we have the opportunity as Christians to participate in this wonder, this love, this work of the kingdom on earth.

Trump’s character was the turning point for me but the policies of the pro-life were still compelling to me, and when that domino fell three years ago — when love for my baby and my life changed the way I viewed the vulnerability of mothers who choose abortion — I couldn’t even see the Republican aim of overturning Roe as the best way to care for the most vulnerable lives in our country anymore. I don’t think it is. And while there are many Democratic policies I disagree vehemently with, I do believe that more accessible healthcare, more restrictions on guns, prison reform, racial equality, equal pay for women, better sex education, affordable college, better pay for teachers — I believe all of these will result in fewer abortions. These are unequivocally linked in my mind now and I cannot unsee the links. Abortion is not the first domino that needs to fall. Abortion is a symptom of the problem, not the cause of it. I am still a one-issue voter, my issue is abundant life for all, beginning with the most vulnerable, the life in the womb, and fighting for the policies that protect that life from abortion ever seeming like a good or the best option.

We can disagree about this. Our forefathers wisely designed our government so a pluralism of ideas could flourish. We can want the same exact things and come to their solution through different avenues. I believe that’s how our country can actually flourish, by you voting your conscience and me voting mine, while allowing for you to have your preferred way and for me to have mine. I don’t believe that our country flourishes when we expend all of our energy trying to change each other’s minds. This leads to inflated truths, outright lies, over-promising and under-delivering (both sides are wildly and increasingly guilty of this).

I’m telling you this not at all to change your mind, in fact, that’s why I’m saying it now, so close to the election when your mind is made up. I’m telling you because I think stories matter and the real life stories of people are what helps a pluralism of ideas and actions in our government flourish. I have friends who will always vote red for the rest of their lives because they delivered babies at 26 weeks. I have friends who will always vote blue because they were victims of gun violence. I believe those stories matter and my friends should vote the way they see the world flourishing from their vantage point.

The thing about vantage points, though, is that we all have a different one. And this is mine. Trump’s character made me begin to question his policies, and my own life’s story made me realize these issues are far more complex than sound bites and social media can make them seem. It’s the character and policies for me.

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(This isn’t me virtue signaling, I don’t need or even really want to change your mind or impress you with my politics. I’m not really interested in chatting about this on social media. If it becomes clear to me you didn’t read it, I will delete your comment. As always, won’t engage comments and will delete any comments campaigning for a candidate. This is my page and I can do what I want on it. I’m just sharing it because I hope it makes some of you feel a little less alone in the next few weeks and some of you feel a little more understanding.)